Upgrade this! Why Move Up When You Can Just Keep Bitching?

You coming or going? I was going to upgrade, but I think I'll just ride this one backwards.

One month in and there's all sorts of chirping about points, upgrades, race categories and so on. I can't figure it all out, really, except to say that I'm going slower and everybody else is getting faster. You can't swing a dead cat right now without hitting a new Master's ++++++ category. Old guys are everywhere. There are more women racing too, which is good, but they still need some of the new, faster blood to step up to Elites. But that's just me.

Maybe there should be special categories for guys like Slayer and DC (Don Cameron, you idiots) to duke it out to the death in a one-on-one cage match. Hey they already run away from the field, why not let them settle this on their own?

How about a category for guys who are really fast but don't give a shit? JB can laugh while Mike drinks and they'd both ride away from me like I've got two flat tires. Jerks.

If you're wondering if you should upgrade (when you shouldn't) while you're on top of the podium and chomping painted metal and wondering where you're going to put another Champs jacket in your closet don't be too hasty ...

... because just like that you could be going from first to practically sight-unseen because of a hole no bigger than a rat bite.

If you ever do think about upgrading, here's a good tutorial on the matter by the genius cartoon people at Xtranormal.

And if you are a real idiot and get tied up in the slippery slope of chasing series points, or you just love talking about how f-king tired you are from doing double races on the weekend (like I do) here's another tasty XtraNormal forwarded by Flying Bats, about doing the double and chasing the points ...

Riding tonight? It could be a mud-bath. Let us know. Start time will be 6:30. I have a special mud bike for nights like these, it doesn't have top end capability, but with a little less in the shifting department it may be more dependable when the going gets deep.

The Dirty Mudder with Gears

Trek XO Cross Bike 54

Redline Pro Carbon/Alloy steer tube fork

Front ring  42 (no brand but usually FSA)

Salsa Chain Guard (44)

Problem Solver Dog Fang inner chainring guard

Cassette 12-27 Miche

Centaur 10 Speed right shifter

Tektro left brake

Ritchey 42 WCS Bars

Ritchey 120 WCS Stem

Thompson Elite Seat Post

Fizik Aliante Saddle

Centaur Rear Mech

Velocity Spartacus Wheels (38 deep?)

Truvative Roulier Cranks 172.5

Crank Bros Candy pedals

Wipperman Chain (mid level)

Origina Pro Cantilever Brakers (wide spooky TRP style)

Velocity Bottle Cage

Planet Bike bar wrap

I'm providing all this stupid information above not because this bike is so special (it's not) but because I'd like featuring your bikes here with all the specs I've literally thrown up here. I think it's great to see what other people run and give the rest of us some ideas on how to set up a bike that works for you, based on the size on performance of riders you know. Send a photo and the specs and I'll put it up here. 

Crazy Crosstober - Bite the Pillow It's Coming in Rough!

Adam Mac's latest creation. How does he make his videos so damn smooth, even when it's rougher than hell? That's a Big Mac secret-video-sauce-secret you'll never know!

A quick report on this last week's cyclocross race action which included a double-race-weekend in Kensington. Like most of the six races we've hit already this season, with the exception of the Grand Prix of Ithaca, these have been rough bastards - especially on a delicate and old Crazy Bastard like me. While the ground at Kensington wasn't as smooth as I would have liked, I have to let the promoters off the hook as the Metro Park people pulled the rug out from under them at the last moment and stuck them with a crappy piece of ground, and not the one they wanted, for this extended weekend. The result was a dusty and dirty ass-kickingly tough and rough course - but the layout was excellent, and as I look back it was still fun to be there. 

The Funny-Bunny-Money-Man-Bunny. Yeah you know you're at a real cross race when you see some guy trippin's balls at the start of the Killer Beeze in a full-on bunny suit. Who was that Bunny that beat me so they all said ...

Unfortunately I don't have any action photos since I was busy when the action was going on. If you go to Ten Mile Media you'll find plenty of  West Side and Crazy Bastards on course including: Nancy Lange, Cupcake, Amy Haney, Slayer (aka Jeff Haney), Adam Mac and me, totally sucking ass. Take a close look at the sprint finish photo on day one between Das German and Adam-Dope-York. York killed it 2-days in a row and looks like the Michigan Elite to beat in 2012. Queen Anne is also back in top form and is the woman to beat this year, as well. Stop by TMS and see what they're saying about it. I'm sure it's hate-filled and ranting. Yeah, we like it.

He's back and badder than ever! And he's still Bob, thank God! he did so many races in two days he almost bled to death from pinning numbers on. Yeah we gave him a transfusion of Cyctomax, GU, and designer artisan coffee.

Yeah, it's the first time we've seen Bob this season, and we were getting worried. The Hard Man of Michigan Cyclocross Bob did an unbelievable 8-races in two days! (C-Men 40+ 30-min., B-Men 40+ 45-min., 45+ Masters 60-min., Single Speed 30-min.)  It's more racing than I've done in a month and I've been to five more races than Bob! And he did it all on a course that had me whimper like a freakin'  baby. Fuck you Bob, you make me look like I suck. I guess because I do.

Adam, Day-1. Day-2 should have seen him on the Big Red One, but ...

Tastes like victory, almost. One Day-2 he got bit in the ass.

Big Mac raced like a champ pulling out a nice third on day one with some spectacular last minute tactics that put him on the podium. On Day-2, his tired legs lit up half-way through the race and he jumped off the lead group to take a commanding lead and an insurmountable gap of about 30-seconds that had him a lock for his first Tailwind Victory ever! Well almost ...

On his way to a win, there was only one thing that could stop him. And it did. Flat!

Adam running it in. From first-to-not, just like that. He did get a big hand from the crowd and the rest of the Bs that stopped by to tip their cap. They were beat, and they knew it. But shit happens.

My prize for the weekend of poor efforts and dying in a sprint for something like 33rd? A cup of this sweet artisan coffee that's ground by hand and pour through some drip cup that takes for ever. I think they even heat the water with a fire they start by rubbing two sticks together. 

I had one of these both days. It was yummy. Like moving to Portland and living in an episode of Portlandia.

Planning on riding tonight? Launch time is 6:30, and my guess is you might need lights.

One Man's Junk is Another Man's Art Prize

VOTE ART PRIZE: 108236 River Bottom Bike 

By the Grand River Van Gogh Brothers

I don't think there is a better way to see Art Prize than by bike. You can circumnavigate the madding crowds, zip in and out of congested traffic (when does the bus for Kentwood leave, again?) and ride by the Way Finders without having to ask them another stupid question - they've had quite enough, thank you. The first art I found along the way was this great bike art, pictured above, created by the Grand River Van Gogh Brothers. I thought, this is the winner in my book. 

The Van Gogh Brothers creating art, one sunken bike at a time, from the bottom of the Grand River, somewhere along North Monroe.

The work of the Van Gogh brothers is simply breathtaking - and kind of stinky since the bikes have been rotting at the bottom of the Grand River for decades.

More fine examples of their work. The Van Gogh Brothers said they had pulled up something like 3--50 bikes in one day. Not to mention a few safes.

An artist's tools in the hands of a master. While some artists may use paint brushes and chisels, the Van Gogh Bros. use a hook and pipe wrench attached to stout ropes. Now that's artistry!

Even though I considered the competition closed after the discovering the Van Gogh Brother's River Bottom Bikes, I continued on my Art Prize journey. Sure there was a lot more crap to see, and most of it above the water, I couldn't help thinking what real Art Prizes were rotting away under water!

Like what about this stuff? I couldn't figure it out at all. I'm thinking about 5-years in river bottom muck would help this exhibition out significantly.

This was kinda of cool. But I didn't have all day waiting for a bird to run into it. I'm guessing that's the idea, right?

I did a drive-by of the Bob Parking lot "Art" feature a giant Lobster-Crab (is it on the menu in the Fish House?). A quick inspection of the stuff inside the Bob Lot revealed a giant outdoor gift shop like you'd find in Lake City, complete with sniveling kids and pissed off parents. Again, the best part of touring Art Prize on two-wheels is you can escape quickly!

ART PRIZE VOTE: 208123 Messy Dog

Artist: Mr. Mustard

This was another one of my favorite Art Prize installations, created by Mr. Mustard under the umbrella. Not only were the colors right on, but this exhibit smelled and tasted great!

Tailer Art! Somehow I think I've seen this before - and done much better by a true trailer-craftsman.

VOTE ART PRIZE: 3033456

The Cyclocross Trailer by Big Mac

Yeah, I like this trailer much better. Neater job and it has a purpose. Adam should win this category hands down.

VOTE ART PRIZE: 404789

Hockeyman

This was another favorite of mine, though I think I have seen it before. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the aritis's depression over the impending NHL lockout? Anyway, he needs to get hustling, he's a little behind on the installation.

 VOTE ART PRIZE: 108236 River Bottom Bike 

By the Grand River Van Gogh Brothers

Anyway, after seeing practically none of the other exhibitions at this year's Art Prize, I don't know how you could beat the work of the Grand River Van Gogh Brothers with a grappling hook. As they say in Chicago, vote and vote often!

Peeing Away Another Weekend Racing Cross

JB laughs at Mike S for actually taking a beer hand-up on Sunday at the Swamp Thing. Does JB think it's funny as in you're a clown Mike, or  now's my chance to kick your ass you fool?

A quick, and visual report of the weekend's racing follows kicking off with a KISSCROSS race at Highland Park. While Highland doesn't offer a lot of room, I must say that the Founder's Team made the most of it, and it was a fun, fast course. The best/worst part was the bunny-hop of a log at the bottom of the hill. Plenty of the carnage that people love to see at KISSCROSS, but man that looked like it hurt!

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bEGAIYKTZ9w" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

While we don't have actual footage of the crashes that occurred at Highland while people tried the flying bunny hop, you can get the feeling from watching "Joey's Okay!" just one more time.

STOMACH OF ANGER: SWAMP THING ONE

After pre-riding the course during the summer, and early in the week before the race, I had my doubts about the new sections that had been added to the course. Luckily, rain softened up some of the lumps and bumps in the new parts, and it wasn't too bad, and I'm glad to report that I didn't come away with the dreaded "Cross=Back" I had last year after the first race. My "Shaken Baby Syndrome" wasn't even too bad. While there wasn't any KISSCROSS style land-mines to keep spectator's entertained with concussions, contusions and compound fractures,  there were beer hand-ups to keep it lively.

MORE WEST MICHIGAN CYCLOCROSS WOMEN IN THE NEWS!

Cupcake as she appeared, blasting through the swamp, as the featured photo on the Lansing MLive news post this past weekend.

The Swamp thing got some good press, and there are a bunch of sweet photo of the race embedded in the story. See them all here.

As far as the race goes, other news in the West Michigan Women's B's category was Sarah McIntyre making a breakthrough and getting onto the podium.

Here's Sarah warming up her socks before the race - and eventually taking 3rd! Congrats Sarah.

Here's Sarah on the Podium (?) Or what has to be one of the strangest podiums, I've ever seen.

Sarah, the BIG 3, and the podium chair. Remind you of anything? Stay tuned.

Adam also had a nice ride, and a podium, step, er, podium chair or something something. The guy who got first is there, he's just invisible.

Oh wait, is this him? Hey buddy, your chair is waiting.

There should have been a chair for weirdest team kit. Another nice MLive Photo.

Slayer shows Don Cameron his wheel ... for almost the entire race. Jeff and Don pulled away from the rest of the pack for the two-top podium steps, I mean chairs ... another MLive Photo.

Craig Rawlings (aka Flying Bats) wasn't there for his Podium Chair. Too bad, Clint Eastwood was there to present him with some recycled embrocation. Also sorry I don't have a photo of Craig's new cross whip. I hope to have one next week - nice bike!

Speaking of nice bikes and new cross whips - here's Slayer's rig ready to race. Does this look fast to you? Nice one Slayer, and great race too.

Another Best-Of-Award goes to Vince Anila for his awesome cross-truck-rig, which may even surpass Big Macs Crazy Bastard Cross Trailer for hauling shit to the the race. Great rig Vince!

Things were a little different at the Swamp This year. Joe Lekovish wasn't in his usual spot at the concierge desk.

Guess he was home getting a shave - and some new pants. We missed you Joe!

Another thing was missed at this year's SOA Swamp Thing were bathrooms. Had this sign been at the race venue the arrow would be pointing you to a shopping mall a few blocks away.

Apparently the promoters had never been to the Fisk Knob Time Trial where peeing in public is almost a capital crime.

Unfortunately for this little guy, instead of getting First Chair in the junior class he got arrested. Nothing like getting the kids started early with cross racing and an arrest record.

Well it's on to another double weekend of racing, which seems to be the thing this year. Also in other Bastard news I think we'll move tomorrow's ride to a 6:30 start. Any thoughts? Also thinking about a practice tonight. Who's game?

Need Some Motivation for a Weekend of Cross? Cross Vegas Video

Want a little video-motivation for the weekend? Have some coffee, a donut or two, and some fast looking cyclocross racing to start the day.

Video streaming by Ustream

THE SWAMP THING COMETH

Remember this classic 'cross video by Big Mac last year? Relive the speed, thrills and crazy stuff that happened on course last year. Hopefully there's more of the same waiting on Sunday. And there's no f*cking sledding hill!

It's coming! The Swamp Thing is almost here. Can't wait to take another whack at this, and see if I can keep the tires on my bike this time. Also a good time, and so close to home! This Sunday, be there!

The gangs all here. Riding the course back in the summer before we all got those horrible face tattoos.

He knows where the Swamp Thing lives and he feeds it daily. Michael Babcock mowing the Thing's front yard.

Joe Lekovish is ready for the Swamp Thing. One of the best USAC Officials in the book, in my humble-ass opinion. Joe, I totally dig the cigarette smoke at the line. It's so Belgy. I feel like I'm in Belgium at a cross race or I've jumped back in time I'm doing the old Cadieux Cafe race.

As a special surprise, the SOA promoters are thinking about adding a new section to the course. I rode it last night and snapped some photos. Don't worry it's short, and you probably won't need wire cutters by Sunday. See you there!

I think I'll use the 34's with the Iron Maiden tread. Thank you, bitches.

It's the Summer's Over Fall Begins Ride Tonight

Yes, remember those warm summer rides? Well that's over. Bundle up and let's go. Probably need a light tonight.

I'm getting my special fall bike tuned up for tonight's ride by my faithful mechanic. Yeah, it's looking good so far. She added just the right amount of rust to the chain - just the way I like it for the fall.

Last but not least, it's time to sign up for Swamp thing. It's a short drive and should be big fun now that that cool course is run in. Lots of new twists and turns, plus it's put on by some really great people. Still time to preregister on on BikeReg.com.

Here's a look from over a month ago at some of the new Swamp Thing course,  and the old course that's smooth and rocking after a few races and a year of riding ...

SwampThingCX Course Preview from StomachOfAnger on Vimeo.