Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Great day for a cyclocross race. And a great place, glad I was able to make this one - the course, utilizing the football stadium was, IMHO, the best one ever. Though I've missed the last two years. Anyway, glad I made it. This was the wild-ass entrance to the stadium where you could ride, hop, run, walk, take the stairs, the elevator, or just give up.

But if you gave up you wouldn't discover all the great prizes inside the stadium, or the Holland Soup Bowl of Cyclocross as I like to call it.

Here's the first prize you found, hecklehorn in hand, sharp wit, and attitude waiting for you at the top of the stairs.

Yeah, it's Cupcake with Hecklehorn in hand, ready to dish some dissin'. She had a great race right up until the moment she laid her bike down ... and then picked up her horn in anger. Yeah she hurt a lot of people, but that's what it's all about folks.

Other treats awaiting our brave racers inside the Holland Soup Bowl of Cyclocross was this guy. No, he's not a vagrant pouring sterno into his thermos, in fact I'll bet whatever he's mixing was probably pretty damn good.

Mixie-mixie- yummy-yummy-I got high powered booze in my tummy.

Yeah, it's our own CD, scopin' the scene at the top of the Soup Bowl.

Thanks to Jack Kunnen there was one shot of me racing. Here I am with a bunch of my buddies jammin' our way to the top of the bowl. You could ride this section if you were able and willing to hop a log - but not on the first lap. You were essentially next in line for check-out. I had a good race and I'm sure that I finished up on the podium. But like the TdF it appears that results take some time to process. I guess they're waiting for all the drug tests to come back from that French lab they use.

Nice view of the bottom of the bowl, which I think is a football field. The course design was absolutely a gas to race - and watch.

Here are the elite dudes coming down the outside of the bowl and headed back in. It's a wonder I snapped this they were going so fast.

The kit says foolish, but he's not really. Here's the man behind a lot of that sweet course design, and the wrenches at Velo City. Yeah kids, it's Mr. Foolish. You are pretty in pink, my man ...

A great little stair climb to get your ass out of the bowl. Here the guy in the lead has decided that the stairs take too long and has decided to go back down and take the elevator. I'm thinking that the other climbers are telling him something like, 'EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, PARDON ME, MIND IF I GET BY? HEY ASSHOLE GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!"

Or something along those lines.

Mike Seaman shows us how to properly ascend the stairs. No cursing here. Nope, just one foot in front of the other. Hup-hup-hup!

After the race free shit was thrown to the crowd. Here it looks more like they are waiting for raw meat to get tossed out. Watch your hand, they'll bite it off!

The apres race party is the best in Holland. Racers and fans gathered at the Holland Brewery for beers, chili, and of course .... SOUP!

While the party was fun, everytime I took a picture of someone, the dman fun left their faces. Not glad to see me? Here's the fun-loving Mike S, looking not so fun-loving at Holland Brewery. People hate me, they do.

Even fun-loving Fast Freddy wasn't glad to see me. Though he did offer me some of his delicious chili. Thanks Freddy - now smile dammit!

After the race, after the party, the crowd went on a wild spending binge at Velo City. Here's MC Hammer trying to control the unruly mob that descended on his shop. It almost got ugly, people wrestling over compression socks ...

One last thing - glad to see a recovering Bastard back on his feet (note cast on left foot). Adam (Big Mac Bastard) was on hand to watch it all go down in the Soup Bowl with his side-kick Libby who was showing us her sweet ass in this shot. I thought if anybody would give me a smile for a nice photo for today's blog it would be an English Setter named Libby. So I bought her a hotdog, some chips, a beer, and some chili.

And what do you think I got in return?

Nice. Did you have to be such a bitch, Libby? Well I guess you are. Thanks for coming. Now go away little man.

Still thinking of riding tonight. The temps don't seem too bad, but it looks a tad wet.

Remember it's NO FENDER TUESDAY!

RIDE TONIGHT 6 PM 11.30.10

Plzen 2010 - 2nde manche de CDM cyclo cross from Web Petitesreines on Vimeo.

Planning on riding tonight. That is if the boat doesn't sink on the way out to Townsend. We should rock out at 6, as usual. I'm planning on posting up a report on the Holland Race, drinking and bike gear binge-buying, later today - just haven't had time as yet. Until then enjoy this little Euro-Cross Treat filled with creamy Euro-Cross-Gals and Cheesy-Ass Euro music. Enjoy 'cross porn lovers, and see you tonight!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Sound like anybody you know? Sound like you? Found this on the FB, thanks to Team Sand Bag member Kurt Potocki. Hopefully some of these guys will be on hand this Sunday. Watch and learn from them. They know cross like I know crass.

The after-party is a good one - so don't miss it - also Velocity will be rocking some deals - I think. Better check on that before you go to all that trouble digging the change out from under that sofa cushion. Oh, sorry, you already did that ...

Good luck and see you at the races. Two more races to go! Can't believe we're at the bending end of the 'cross season.

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving!


Some of the best Euro-Cross Porn

Nice party for Tom last night. Really enjoyed meeting his new friend from Kali-Kali. I'm a little worried that the "tat" he gave me with shrimp fork and raspberry vingarette dressing as ink, looks a little infected this morning. That much pus isn't normal, is it? Also it was strange that nobody could shake hands last night, since nearly everyone had crashed and landed on their hands on Saturday. I guess chest-bumping is cool, but what do I know? Of course hand-shaking spreads germs.

Great ride last night, with a bunch of Bastards out on a cool, but not-that-cold night. Another nice ride, but a short ride, because of the party.

I'm not planning on riding on Thursday, but I'm sure there will be a ride somewhere. I'm going to be taking a a day off from the blog, for the holiday, but will hopefully will be back to make some inappropriate comments before the race on Sunday, that's in Holland, which I believe is in Europe. Guess I need to dust off the passport and get my shots.

Have a good holiday, and enjoy the full video above - make sure you watch the whole thing. Amazing riding.

See you in Holland, on Sunday.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Yes, we'll be riding tonight. Rolling out at 6 from Townsend. We won't be going far, however, since many of us are due back at the Schnitzgroober in Ada for a party for Tom Hahn at 8 p.m, who, as I have mentioned before, has just returned from the jungles of what I like to call the Far-Far-East. Or maybe the Far-Far West. Depends on which direction you go to get there. No matter which way you go it's about a 150 hour flight.

Tom learned some new tricks in Kali-Kali Land. He also made some new friends. Come to the Schnitzengroober tonight and meet him. Or her.

See you Bastards tonight. If you want a longer ride, and don't want to hear how Steelcase is now making their latest offering out of bamboo, monkey nuts and coconut shells, you can keep on riding. The roads won't close just because we've got to party.

Monday, November 22, 2010


Just in! Sighting of Russ (Mav's dad) at the Bloomer Park Race on Sunday. Russ was right up there near the front, killing it (as seen above). It was great to see a fellow Bastard out there, with so many not making the trip this week, it would have been kinda of lonely. But not really, between the Rhinos and the BEST CYCLOCROSS TEAM EVER (that's Team Sandbag) I couldn't have had a better time, or drank more beer. If you don't believe me about the awesomeness of the course, check in with Russ ... nice ride, Russ!

Here I am riding on the underside of the giant grass Velodrome. Blazing speed and centrifugal force was the only thing keeping me up there. And the tubular glue smeared all over my tires. I wondered why I couldn't get going! Damn, there's got to be a better way to stick, and ROLL at the same time. Guess I need to start saving up for the ZIPP 303's and the suction tires.

Happy Birthday to this Crazy Bastard Blog which is one year old today. Since Russ made the race on Sunday I dedicated the Blog Cake to him - I've been up all night baking this cake, so don't laugh!

Since June of this year, when they started tracking statistics, we've had over 17,000 visitors stop by and be disgusted by the content here. It's been fun. Let's hope we all have another a great year.

Now I'm going to have some of this cake. Watch me eat it right now.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bloomer Park Race Report & Video

Welcome to Bloomer Park. Track racing, mountainbiking, cylcocross, this is the place for bikes.

Great race on Sunday at Bloomer Park in Rochester. While I've liked this course in years past I never thought "it was all that." Until this weekend, that is. After a few brilliant tweaks to a few turns, and an "oh yeah" climb up the wall of the Velodrome (yeah they've got a Velodrome kids), this course came alive. I guess everybody knew that it was going to be super good this year, because there were loads of racers, and some great, I mean, great races to watch. The above video (by a member of Team Sandbag) was just the end of just a brutal slug-fest in the 35+ Masters. The Elite Women's, and Elite Men's race were also super fun to watch ... congrats to MacKenzie on another win(and surviving what I heard was spectacular first lap crash in the women's race and for being forced to run right over Anne, without going down, or hurting Anne)! It was a day packed with total cross fun and excitement.

Here's the overhead view of the S turn, a nice course feature this year. This is what it looked like standing with your back against the outside wall of the Velodrome.

Here's the S turn with some angry riders. Grrrrrrr, get outa mah weh! On the first lap of my race this thing was packed shoulder to shoulder, wheel to wheel.

Turn around form the S turn and this is what you'd see behind you ...

You could enter the Velodrome through this tube. But you could never come out.

The course was dotted on the front side with various team tents. Here's the digs of the World Famous Flying Rhinos. They enjoy their cross, and are dedicated to the sport. But I didn't see any beer kegs or cooler.

Another added dimension at this race was the rocking tunes and an announcer (who knows cross), calling every race. It keeps it exciting kids! If you're really good, or even kinda sucky chances are you'll hear your name.

Here's what that voice behind the speaker looks like. Yeah he's a handsome devil, isn't. That's Dave! And that's what he thinks ...

Andrea - looking excited, bewildered, or just tired. You decide.

Another big plus for the race series, and a source for a lot of the great photos I'm able to post up here from time to time is Andrea Tucker, of Tuckerbikes.com. Here's a bad photo of Andrea. You guessed it, she didn't take this one.

The man behind the Tailwind Series - Robert Linden. By the way that's not his trophy. He stole it. He told me so. I called the cops. Thank me later.

These ladies make registration a snap. They're also in part responsible for having race results posted in a matter of minutes after the race is done. Thanks for not making me wait in line in the morning, ladies, you rock!

Here's Lillian, of Tree Fort Bikes. If you'll notice in the registration shot she's in the middle. She works all morning and then races later in the day. She's like Superwoman, throwing on her cape when the work at the Daily Planet's all done.

Gordon. Keeping things under control and rolling smooth at the start finish line. When you see Gordy, you know its race time. When you see Gordy later, you'll also know exactly how many laps you've got to go. Sometimes I think he's kidding me. 6 laps? Come on, Gordo, really? Seriously? You think I can do that many more? Forget it ...

Back to the races. This is just some of the stuff you see on the start line. If you look closely, or just click on this photo to enlarge it, you'll see an engraved Maple Leaf on this chain guard. Wonder who would be rocking a Maple Leaf on their gear?

Yeah, a Maple Leaf racer. Those darn Canadians are so cool. Or cold. Depends on the time of year and the distance they live from the Arctic Circle. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.

Blue Socks. Blue Socks. Don't you look cool.

It's all about the socks. A young woman from the Half Acre Team (out of Chicago) brought some sweet socks to the line.

Another gal stepped up with these socks. I guess she's checking to see if her shoes fit. A little late, young lady.

Whether the shoes fit, or not, the socks certainly did.

MacKenzie after winning her second race in a row. She was so excited she almost flipped her lid.

Wait, she did flip her lid. Way to go MacKenzie!

Kim had another great ride, and another podium step to her credit. But what's that on her lip?

Just a little blood from trying so hard her head almost exploded. Or was it an elbow? Or a crash in the woods? In all that excitment she couldn'tremember: did I fire five shots, or did I fire six shots? I guess cross racing isn't for girls. Or is it? Nice job out there, tough gal!!!!

The Elite Women's podium. These ladies are fast! On their bikes, anyway.

My buddy Jan having a laugh as we watch the next bunch of suckers take off. Why is he laughing? We're done racing, that's why, and there's beer that needs to be drunk ...

The Team Sandbag tent. This is where you'll find the beer. I was sitting on the cooler as I shot this, sipping a cold one. It's amazing this sucker isn't more out of focus than it is. These guys have my vote for Best Cyclocross Team Ever. Now what could we give them for a trophy?

Knowing Team Sandbag the one on the left. A couple cases of it. The Leffe on the right is just too snooty, even if it is Belgy. These guys are real American Cyclocrossers.

Cupcake was missing in action ... if by "in action" you mean racing and humiliating her fellow racers with her rapier cupcake wit and artful heckling.

The last thought on Bloomer, and the question everyone kept asking me: WHERE THE FUCK IS CUPCAKE AND HER GODDMAN HECKLEHORN? You were sorely missed Cupcake. You and your f'ing hecklehorn. You get one weekend off, but that's it.

I'll post up some more professional photos of the race later - by the way Russ G (Maverick's Dad) was there and killin' it in the B race.

But more on that later ...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Bunny Hop No More!

Most of you have seen this - but for those who haven't, enjoy the carnage kids. Don't think Todd Wells was hurt badly (hope not!) but this wanging sure took the poo out of him. Just a reminder - while it may be cooler to bunny hop, the downside is you could end up a dead-bunny. For those of you doing Kisscross this year, though, I guess this isn't an issue since its a sans-barrier year.

Good racing this weekend.


Here's what Tuesday Night's after ride dinner looked like. Last night there were far fewer "Indians" at the table.

Here's what it was like (sort-of-kind-of):

Ten Little Indians

Ten Little Indians going out to dine; One went and choked his little self and then there were nine.

Nine Little Indian Boys sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were eight.

Eight Little Indian Boys traveling to Devon; One got left behind and then there were seven.

Seven Little Indian boys playing with a hive; A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.

Five Little Indian boys going in for law; One got in chancery and then there were four.

Four Little Indian boys going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.

Three Little Indian boys walking to the zoo; A big bear hugged one and then there were two.

Two Little Indian boys playing with a gun; One shot the other and then there was one.

One little Indian boy left all alone; He went and hanged himself ...and then there were none.

While thankfully there were no actual fatalities in last night's ride, as there are in the poem above, the ride did resemble this "very weird" poem, in that we continually kept losing riders as the ride progressed through the evening.

Yes, the little boys and riders got picked off one-by-one - in the movie and on the ride.

Above is a photo from the movie based on the Agatha Christie book, and film. In the movie, as each of the characters gets "killed-off" another statue is snapped off this snappy looking center piece. I'm thinking of super-gluing cycling figurines on my handle-bars and snapping one off everytime somebody heads back earlier, has a mechanical, or just disappears in the woods. Yeah, it was scary out there last night.

If you're really intrigued about the Ten Little Indians, here's the book. I recently saw the movie based on it, and let me tell you it really sucked.

This is a group shot from Tuesday. Last night's ride started out with about the same number of people ... but then ...
Here's the first of our Little Indians. Guess who? Possibly the most photographed woman in Crazy Bastard blog history.

Heather turned back - not feeling it. She wasn't alone. I wanted to leave, but for some reason I hung on until the end but don't have a good reason why. If I had known you were going, I would have gone with you! Let me know next time!

No he didn't turn back. Good to see Mike V, back where he belongs.

We had a number of old faces back in the group last night. Mike V for one, Bob S for another. Other members of the group included Dave Stebbins, MacKenzie, hammering her new bike and gear set up, JZ Jeff Redline Bastard (his chain dissovled and then he was gone near the end of the ride - hope you limped home okay JZ) Werdy, who turned back at near the end as well, wanting to make sure they didn't run out of carp at the HC, I suppose) Craig, Matt G, Tom Scott (where the hell did you go Tom?) and some others that I believe were eaten by coyotes along the way.

Bob S - practically glowing. Nice to see you Bob! Bob's group should be starting up their rides in the near future - so Bob will no longer have to slum it with us Bastards. Can't blame you Bob, we suck.

Here's Chuck's new bike - yeah he has another new bike. This one is made out of edible Swiss Cheese (BMC). You can see hungry Chuck has already taken a chunk out between the seat-tube and the top tube. I must say it look delicious!

Talk about delicious! Who order the Fried Asian Carp? The ride is all about the eating. We Bastards love our food. Especially our carp ... dig in you bottom feeders .. and enjoy.

A Polish gal having a Polish Sausage. What could be more Polish?

Yummy sausage goodess. And kraut!

Craig digs into something that has digging-in slathered all over it.

Hey Craig, don't let your meat - loaf! Good Lord, didn't your mother tell you to never eat anything bigger than your head? That think is meat-loaf-enormous, dude.

So here's how it always ends up. A pile of chewed bones. I'm hoping that this isn't what those dudes we left out there look like ...

Good luck to everybody racing this weekend! See you next week.